Momentarily Desires

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I was reading Charles Dickens again. I always admired his work. Oliver Twist had been my favorite for years. The more I studied the book the more I realized how typical and hard life gets at times. No courage to stand, no dimension to follow. How could we be living like this for just so long? My life was getting harder than that of orphan’s. I couldn't help it but notice that I was living in the jungle of my own desires, the ruthless unattainable desires, that led me nowhere rather stood me on a point where I got least choices to carry on with this life. How had I become so clueless?

Almost two months ago I met this handsome quite young and energetic and unexpectedly gorgeous man. One thing about him had always kept me insane – his eyes. They were so deep, and as if I could just touch the depth. It was certainly an amazing gesture when I felt that his eyes were trying to catch my sight one day. I realized he would want to talk to me, in person. Being already mesmerized by his attractive aptitude I fell in. We started to talk. And then we decided to go out on a dinner together. It was the first time when I actually saw his face from so close. Like a moon in the stars. Like a shining diamond. How breathtaking I was going every day seeing him passing through me with his seductive body scent. It was like I didn’t even want to control any more. And I wanted to fall in. He was in executive management position where I was working, most certainly at that time at least.

It wasn’t even a week and things started to turn upside down. We stopped seeing each other. Well I knew it, I knew from the beginning it was just an infatuation, nothing more nothing less. I felt out of control which I really couldn’t understand why. Though I took the blame, I had to find a sanctuary place where I could just go sit, and gather all the thoughts and get my strength back. I had coming in so many thoughts that I just had to put them down in to a piece of paper, and tear it apart in to thousand pieces to get a breather. I heard Charles and Keith were on sale and as usual I couldn't restrain myself for not going; just had enough in my purse to buy a pair or so. And a thought hit my head – why buying a new pair when I already have a lot of them. Why cannot I use that money in something important? Why was I giving too much pressure to something I should not feel sorry for anyway? It was his lose; not mine.

Have we ever thought how much we consider bringing in more beauty in our life and never realizing that we have had enough to make us happy? People come and go. Nothing will remain forever. Feelings fade, yes they do. And this is how it is from the beginning of the time. Veil it, hide it, or just simply accept it. It all changes just like it was all changing. Spring was coming. Everything started to look beautiful. I wonder why I didn’t ever thank God to give me courage when I use to cry and stay Hopeless. It looked like something was making the clock reverse. But even in the days of despair, I wanted to feel as if everything was going back to where it was. My relationship with God was a little not too good. He didn't show interest in me, neither did I. But still I just wanted my prayers to be heard! I was expecting again from someone for whom I did absolutely nothing good.

There are moments in your life when you know exactly what you want, and you have it right there by your side. Those are the luckiest days of your life – because you know the days once passed will never come back, and you would keep wishing if they had stayed forever. The feelings of having something you had yearned for years, and have it with you in the end, are the feelings no one can actually describe, except for the person who has had enjoyed them. It’s like not caring for the society or the traditions that stop you from fulfilling your wishes and desires. How incredible those moments can be really when we simply abandon society’s so called rules and inhibitions, and live the way exactly how we want to; not how the people want us to. Being defiant is good sometime in this case. Why not we should do something that is good for us for a while. I mean we do all the time what people expect from us. Isn't it okay to let ourselves enjoy for few moments of our breathing. How hardly are we doing that really? Why should we wait for the right time for the happiness to come, time will never be just right! We shall never surrender. We should stand up for our urges, and let that power invades our soul.

May be we don’t know how to enjoy the blessing we have filled our lives with. Look at the amazing coconut butter from The Body Shop, and a pair of Vincci shoe. Isn't that enough to be in a good mood for the rest of your lives – or at least until the stuff expires of course.

I realized the art to deal with it was simply to put a smile on your face no matter how much you screw up your life because it is going to get screwed up sometimes sooner or later. And you just cannot deny it. So why not just let it try us. However if we cannot let this be we do know that we like that pain, that certain amount of tears we need to bring our lost souls return back to home who are missing in the mess of this world while dealing with anonymous troubles every day. And without this we would never feel real.

Life just doesn't need to be perfect to look wonderful in other’s eyes. It is just the way it is. Always been this way. No matter how hard you try to let other know how happy and contented this life is, it doesn't change the reality. So I feel we shouldn't live our lives trying to impress others; because people are going to judge you someway anyway. The circumstances do correct you, polish you, and make you stronger. Even make you numb over time. Have we even given any thought of how many colors we have in this life? Okay, I agree – we have dark shades more often coming in, but the feeling of being in pink and purple, even the turquoise with silver shines our smile and make it even more brightening with our brightening thoughts if we feel more precisely.